Set Yourself on Fire
August 29, 2022
"Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."-Arnold Glasgow

August has presented some challenges as well as some triumphs in the “T_indy”household. We had kids moving in and out. Two headed off to college and a wedding for another were just the beginning. We both celebrated birthdays putting us another year closer to 50. A laundry list of GIANT transitions, right? Lots of tears (for me…. Yes my big ass cries). Big tears, I mean Kim Kardashian ugly crying when both of my boys went to school. Good mental pic, isn’t it? Who would have thought that a kind unhoused man named John and a concussion would be the things to really shake shit up. Let me expand…
Mrs. T and I have been married for five years as of August. Earlier in the year she bought us plane tickets for a trip. It was honestly one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for me. It was to the spot we went on our honeymoon. So it was a special place to begin with. In the time between the purchase of the tickets and the trip, life decided to challenge us. Honestly, it made us question what in the f*#k we were doing.
In July, a medical emergency shed some light on “mortality” for both of us. That seemed to pass with mild residual effects, but the memory did not. As the trip grew closer, I felt as though my life and lifestyle were the things that I could feel slowly killing me inside. Life has stressors and no one is immune. I feel as if mine has a few extras, all self induced because I am a “pleaser”. Often I say yes to the extent that results in everyone being taken care of except myself. I have a large family and a very busy career. These are not bad things, until they become your ONLY things.
I felt my mental state slipping. I was angry. I wasn’t nice to the ones I love the most. I was short tempered. I lost my “silliness." This meaning no dad jokes, and no trying to make Mrs. T laugh. I started to sink and realize that I’d created a life I wanted to escape from. I love my family with all the fire of the sun, but I slipped in to the feelings of “I have a shit load of life insurance, they’ll be ok. I’m not really there for them, so the money will take care of them where I can't. The money will make the pain less for them”. Not a good place to be mentally and also somewhere I hadn’t ever been before.
That scared me.
I was really struggling with all of that. My brain never rested. I felt like a rat in a maze constantly looking for the exit, and every turn was a dead end. Then it was time to take our anniversary trip. Sounds like I was gonna be a blast, right?
Cue John, the unhoused man
On our trip, we had a pleasant enough time day one, but I was still struggling. We’d had a great day. I rode a moped (another visual for you). We saw some cool stuff and had great food. Back at our room at about 8pm, I wasn’t done yet. I had more fun in me. Mrs. T didn’t. She was done for the day and rightfully so. She wanted to stay in and relax, but we had a short time there so I intended to live every minute. Especially considering where my head had been for days. So I went out. Alone. With my phone at about 10%. If you know me, none of this is like me. I’m in bed by 9ish and up by 4. I never let me phone die and we had been joined at the hip thus far in our five years of marriage.
But I went. I checked out some bars, had some more food, and ended up closing the last bar in the place at 0400. Something I had NEVER done. I went in to the military out of high school then very shortly after I got out, I got married and settled in to domestic/dad life. So the “bar/party scene” was pretty foreign to me. And dammit, I was gonna experience it.
Last bar closed and I was walking back to my moped (makes me laugh thinking about people seeing this 6’4”, 265 pound guy on a tiny moped). As I came around the corner, there stood this guy. Looked around my age, shirtless, and eating a pizza. He was obviously unhoused. So in my usual mode of “I’ll talk to anyone”, I started with a simple “you good man?”. John was better than good. John had all he owned in a bag he carried. He was able to get free water from any local bar or restaurant. He frequently got free food (like that night) from people leaving bars, etc. He could shower by the beach. Above all this, John was happy. Not drunk/high happy. Not mentally ill happy. John radiated contentment and ease. He was a happy person.
This shook me to my core.
I was soon to be 49, had been a physician's assistant "PA" for 19 years. I have a successful career and make good money. I have a beautiful and super intelligent wife. I have five beautiful kids and two grandkids. I never go without. I have a closet full of shoes and a house full of stuff. Compared to John, I had nothing. Zero. I wasn’t half as happy as he was and not 1/10 as content as him.
So as I wandered back to my hotel, head absolutely swimming, this is when I felt something in me physically snap. I knew that something big had just happened.
I roll in to our room at 0600 to a wife very upset that I’d gone missing for the night. In my usual fashion (at least lately) all I could muster was “I asked you to go with me” and drifted off to sleep.
That trip made me realize the thing that was keeping me unhappy, angry, discontented, etc was ME. I was my own problem. I had not only been carrying all this crap from my childhood and divorce around, I had been embracing it. I was walking with 1000 pound barbell day in and day out. FOR YEARS. The trip made me realize its time to put this shit down. The anger, the resentment, and the actions I deemed unforgivable. It was time they all were dealt with and put down.
It was time to set myself on fire.
That old angry guy was going to die come hell or high water. That “snap” was within me. It was the barbell breaking off my shoulders. I made the decision right then and there that I was going to be happy. I was not going to bury the things effecting my mental health anymore and I was going to face them and now. I was done pleasing others at the expense of me. I was done neglecting my health and most importantly my mental health.
I set myself on fire.
Since our return, every day I take steps to protect this thing, whatever it is. I have been a cardio fiend, going to the gym every day, if not twice a day to lift also. I say no to extra work requests. I haven’t looked at the news a single time since we got back and that was a daily wake-up ritual (probably setting the tone negatively for the day). I have firm boundaries with people and things that would interrupt my quest for inner peace. I sat Mrs. T down and we had some really hard conversations about what we’d lost in ourselves and in our marriage, and the need we both had to get it back.
I set myself on fire
Three weeks later, to the day, I can say that my path is now straighter and easier. I have a partner that I am not making resent me with my behavior. Still lots of work to do. Some days I feel the dread creep back in. However, the beauty is I now choose to block that dread. I choose to be happy, optimistic, outgoing and positive with others. I choose to not let things get to me like they used to. Most importantly, I’m choosing to never let myself get that low again without acknowledging it and getting some help.
This is the person I’ve decided to become.
Why did I spill my guts about all of this? I firmly believe that a lot of people in my age group are struggling similarly. We have an epidemic of business and stress. We stuff feelings and are embarrassed to open up for fear of judgment. A lot of us are dying inside and just try to paint on a smile and bury it deep.
Stop.
Don’t do it anymore.
Talk to someone. Get help.
Stop just existing and start living.
Set yourself on fire.
Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it. Find who you really are. Try new things. Step out of your comfort zone. Be who you decide to be.
Set yourself on fire.
And John, if by chance you ever read this and remember the interaction at 0500 with a good sized guy getting on a moped, please know you changed my life… and probably saved it.
Paul Mattox
Mr.T_Indy
If you are in need of mental health help or have thoughts of suicide- Call 988
The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals in the United States.

There seems to be a giant influx of all kinds of information on social media, online and, well, everywhere in regards to hormone replacement therapy lately. As a matter of fact, in my 20 years as a PA and with 10 years in hormone replacement alone, I’ve never seen such an amount of information on the topic. Or is it misinformation? I try to avoid the active (inactive?) scroll of social media. In the past I could waste HOURS with just going through posts, videos, etc. Obviously being a clinic owner and interacting with patients, I hear the info that's out there and will go look up what my patients ask about and holy shit… there is so much, just, stuff out there. The supplement industry alone is a multi billion dollar industry, that is before any actual medical prescription products. It’s very easy to blur the line between what is medical and what is framed as medical but in reality is slick marketing. This is where I get a little pissed. Or maybe a lot sometimes. I’m going to talk about HRT or BHRT pellets. I'm not railing against them. I’m not bashing them. My issue is how they seem to be frequently marketed. I’ll start by breaking down some of the terminology. “Bio-identical” is a common phrase used in marketing for pellets and it sounds great right? Identical to what your body makes is the implication. It can’t be unsafe if it’s identical, right? Know what else is “bioidentical”? Any hormone given to a patient that engages that hormone receptor and replicates the action that your body's natural hormone does.

Looking for the fountain of youth? I know at our house, we are always learning about things we can do to continue to age well. In all reality, recovery is harder, fat loss is harder, and our musculoskeletal system is yelling at us frequently. NAD+ is a supplement we both use to help reduce some of the effects we have due to our active lifestyle and the effects of aging. “NAD+ can directly and indirectly influence many key cellular functions, including metabolic pathways, DNA repair, chromatin remodeling, cellular senescence and immune cell function. These cellular processes and functions are critical for maintaining tissue and metabolic homeostasis and for healthy aging” (Covarrubias, et al., 2021).

Metabolic health is defined as having optimal blood sugar, triglycerides, high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol, blood pressure, and waist circumference, the key is without using medication. Many of these numbers can be modified using lifestyle changes that stay implemented. Metabolic numbers can be corrected in some cases with interventions such as diet and exercise alone, but the moment you stop those interventions the numbers will revert back to being out of range and dangerous for your health. Understanding the importance of metabolic health, your genetics, your family history of chronic disease and where your levels presently are can save and extend your life. Cardiovascular disease is the LEADING cause of death. Per the CDC: One person dies every 33 seconds in the United States from cardiovascular disease. About 695,000 people in the United States died from heart disease in 2021—that’s 1 in every 5 deaths. What is sad about these statistics is that all people can implement interventions to lower their risk of deaths caused by cardiovascular disease. The interventions start with lifestyle changes, however for a large portion of individuals especially those with familial history and or decades or metabolic dysfunction, medications are necessary. I will use myself as an example as I have a strong family history of cardiovascular disease. My father and both of his parents had to have open heart surgery. Knowing this fact made me focus heavily on prevention all of my adult life, maybe to extremes at times. I say maybe a little extreme because there have been times that I cried over reviewing my LDL results which were only slightly above 100. LDL is considered the bad cholesterol, commonly referred to as lethal. My family doctor actually would never treat my level just above 100 (the high end of normal, I generally ran 118) no matter how much I requested it. I also obsessively tracked these levels for as long as I can remember. Each time I would get this same result, I would try new interventions because in my mind that number needed to be lower. @Mr.T_Indy can attest to my breakdowns over this. None of the interventions I tried lowered that number, it remained consistently the same. I can finally say that my LDL is now below 100, but I am an example of a person who needs medication to do this. My family history tells me this, along with my years and years of interventions that didn’t work. Understand though, the interventions I tried are still maintained along with the medication. I exercise almost every day with cardio and weight training. I eat a low fat diet. I monitor my food pairings. I rarely drink alcohol, and I don’t smoke. Do I sometimes eat what I want? Yes I do, but 80% of the time I am following the above because I know that is what’s best for my metabolic health. And mainly, I know that is what will help me as I age and hopefully will keep my heart beating long enough to watch my grandchildren grow up. An important thing to think about is that metabolic health is not merely about a person’s size. It is a part of the equation, but you can be within a normal weight range and have metabolic dysfunction. Weight and size are not the only indications for determining metabolic health. All people need lab work to determine metabolic health regardless of weight and or size. The majority of people have some form of metabolic dysfunction that needs to be corrected. At Vigor, we spend a lot of time discussing hormones and yes this is part of your metabolic health, but we also check all the other levels that are part of determining your metabolic health. Paul and I both are driven by helping people recognize and correct any metabolic dysfunction to promote longevity. Metabolic health not only helps with preventing cardiovascular disease, it also helps to prevent type 2 diabetes, stroke, alzheimer’s, obesity, and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease, just to name a few. I always say yes wellness has a price, but the price of chronic disease far outweighs the price of wellness. At Vigor we will check the labs for your metabolic health once per year. If you are unsure where your numbers fall or have questions about things you can do to improve your metabolic health, be sure to discuss with Mr. T and or schedule a consultation. Your body and your life is priceless, don’t forget that! Live Well, @Mrs.T_Indy and @Mr.T_Indy

Ashley Compton is Vigor Health and Beauty's social media manager. Ashley runs Vigor's website, blog Invigorating Thoughts, and social media accounts. Ashley is a wife, mom, and big sister. She is a graduate of the University of Kentucky and has a master's degree from Indiana University in Educational Leadership and administration. Ashley's day job is in public education administration. However, in her spare time, Ashley enjoys creating and sharing health and wellness content on behalf of Vigor Health and Beauty. For brand and athletic sponsorships, email us today at vigorhealthandbeauty@gmail.com or reach out to us via Instagram!

Meet Shelby Hosmer, B.S., CCA, Medical Office Manager Shelby Hosmer is our Medical Office Manager. She graduated from Indiana University, Bloomington in 2017 with a degree in Healthcare Administration and a minor in Law and Public Policy. She is a recent graduate of the Luddy School of Informatics, Computing, and Engineering’s Medical Coding Certification program at Indiana University, Indianapolis. Shelby is a Certified Coding Associate through the American Health Information Management Association (AHIMA). Shelby is here to answer any questions or concerns you have regarding appointment scheduling, billing, lab work/results, prescription refills, and electronic health record information.

What are peptides? A compound containing two or more amino acids in which the carboxyl group of one acid is linked to the amino group of the other (Dictionary.com). Amino acids are proteins. The difference between a peptide and a protein is size. Proteins have more amino acids than do peptides. At Vigor, we do use many peptides for our patients. To name a few: Sermorelin- increases GH Melanotan- libido, tanning BPC-157-wound repair, regeneration, inflammation SeMAX- neurocognitive (focus) PT 141- libido, sexual dysfunction CJC1295/Ipamorelin- increase growth hormone/weight loss The above are some of the most commonly requested and used. We also prescribe semaglutide and tirzepatide both for weight loss. These are currently being lumped into the term “peptides” because GLP-1 stands for glucagon-like peptide. Both of these medications are GLP-1 agonists and are the third most commonly prescribed medications at our office after testosterone and neurotoxins. If you are currently a patient and are interested in peptides please feel free to send us a message in the thryv portal for more information and pricing. If you want to become a patient you can schedule on our website for your blood work and consult. Be Well, Paul and Kristen Mattox @mr.T_Indy and @mrs.T_Indy

One of the most frequent questions I get asked as an aesthetic injector is “what products should I use?” I always have the same two responses, Alastin medical grade skin care and Tretinoin, AKA retin A, which is a prescription strength cream. The rationale to my response is guided by the literature and the miracles I see with consistent patient use. As people, we spend a lot of time thinking about prevention but the majority of us wait until a problem exists before trying to reverse or treat it. Our skin is our largest organ and spending time thinking about how to best take care of it, is key to preventing age related changes. Why Alastin? The company behind Alastin is Galderma, there are currently over 40 studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of the products and the before and after photos alone demonstrate how well they work. I use the post injection serum on all my clients to help improve the appearance of the skin post injection, support the production of collagen and elastin, improves hydration and plumpness(Alastin Skincare). The Alastin website has some amazing before and after photos with some of their most popular products on their website . https://alastin.com/pages/before-and-after If you have questions about products let me know, order your Alastin here . Be Well, Kristen Mattox

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - Chinese Proverb Weight loss is hard. Getting back in shape is hard. Resisting our favorite foods because we know they don't meet our goals or are healthy for us is hard. But in all honesty, how many things in life are truly “easy”. And if they are easy, what's the value in them? You don’t learn much. And even “easy money” doesn't always feel great because it’s rarely earned. So what the hell do we do with all this hard shit we want to do. Just get started. That's it. Wanna know how much easier finishing is when you have started? On the contrary, finishing anything is impossible unless you get started. Whatever your goals, that first step may just be downright awful. But you know what comes easier after that first one? The next ones. I feel like we, as humans, are programmed to be achievers. I also feel like that with the ease of so many tasks now due to technology, we tend to overlook the value of “doing” something. We start the days pretty early at the T household, usually between 3:30 and 4am. Even after having this as a lifestyle for most of my adult life, many mornings still start with eyes opening, then an immediate “just hit snooze” said to myself. As much as I get a huge kick out of working out (I often say that's my free time, a fun activity), I don’t leap out of bed, ready to rock. I have to digest the snooze comment, then tell myself “take the first step” and head to the kitchen for my 40 oz water jug and celsius powder. Once I’m up (that first step), for me it’s a waste to be up, caffeinated and dressed, and then not go. Cardio days… Mrs. T will attest that I don’t care for it. It’s boring, tedious and just bleh. But I know that I need a certain amount of zone 2 cardio each week to be healthy. It’s hard to push myself to get on that elliptical each time, but I take the first steps… and before I know it, an hour has passed. Sometimes that first 5-10 minutes just sucks. No way around it. But it gets easier, I get more awake and I feel it makes a difference in my mood. We all have a choice every day, every morning, every meal or whatever it is that's in the arena of your goals. As daunting as any task may seem, as insurmountable any mountain may appear, as absolutely discouraging it can be to get on a scale or look in a mirror, don't let any of that take away from you taking that first step. You’ll be shocked at how quickly you’ll look back and realize not only that you’ve done it (it being whatever it is for you), but that first step wasn’t as bad as you thought and just maybe there are some other first steps you’ve been putting off that maybe won’t be so bad. So whatever that goal is or challenge may be, take one step… Just one step towards it. Look back, realize you’ve started and how it feels, then keep stepping. That first step can turn into a thousand miles before you even realize it. Be Well, Paul and Kristen Mattox Mr.T_Indy Mrs.T_Indy

There are over 5 million cases of skin cancer diagnosed every year and according to the Skin Cancer Foundation, skin cancer is the most common type of cancer in the United States (Skin Cancer Foundation, n.d.). In this week's blog, we want to provide you with things you should be doing to prevent and screen for skin cancer. Skin cancer can be seen, and the easiest way to get this checked is by scheduling an appointment with a dermatologist to do a skin check. I did a little searching and I also found that there are two offices in Indiana that offer free skin cancer screenings. Free Skin Cancer Screening. Additionally, The AIM At Melanoma foundation provides a step by step how to do a self-examination with a video. Skin Self Exam. Signs and symptoms to look for include the following: Common skin cancer symptoms may include: Skin growths, scabs or sores that don't resolve Changes in existing skin spots Pale or waxy skin patches Scaly patches on the skin Red or flesh-colored moles (City of Hope, n.d.). A few prevention tips include to wear sunscreen daily. At Vigor we recommend Alastin products, my favorite being the tinted SPF sunscreen. I actually wear this as foundation as it is non-greasy, light and protects my skin. You can purchase this product and other Alastin skin care at this link . Other important things to remember is with prolonged exposure to sun wearing clothing, hats and sunglasses can also be preventive. Another important fact is that taking nicotinamide 500mg twice a day, can be preventative of many common types of skin cancer (Starr, 2015). I started this regimen 1 year ago after it was recommended by my dermatologist, it is proven effective and is very low cost. It is important to make sure you buy the nicotinamide without other ingredients per the study cited. If I were given a wish to go back 20 years and change something, it would be that I had taken better care of my skin. I have unfortunately had numerous procedures to remove multiple locations of basal cell carcinomas and the sad truth is, I could have prevented all of them. Basal cell carcinomas, while generally non cancerous, if left untreated can be dangerous and require extensive treatment including radiation. Live Well, Kristen Mattox @Mrs.T_Indy References AIM At Melanoma Foundation (n.d.). How To Do a Skin Self-Examination. https://www.aimatmelanoma.org/melanoma-101/early-detection-of-melanoma/how-to-do-a-skin-self-examination/ American Academy Of Dermatology Association (n.d.). Find a Free Skin Cancer Screening. American Academy of Dermatology Association. https://www.aad.org/public/public-health/skin-cancer-screenings/find-a-screening City of Hope (n.d.). Skin Cancer Symptoms. https://www.cancercenter.com/cancer-types/skin-cancer/symptoms Skin Cancer Foundation (n.d.). May is Skin Cancer Awareness Month. https://www.skincancer.org/get-involved/skin-cancer-awareness-month/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw6cKiBhD5ARIsAKXUdybmzdAF4TYJF811Hthzgibgv36z3SNZ16A-tIurZkUmCVepGxttIRMaAnUTEALw_wcB Starr P. Oral Nicotinamide Prevents Common Skin Cancers in High-Risk Patients, Reduces Costs. Am Health Drug Benefits. 2015 Aug;8(Spec Issue):13-4. PMID: 26380604; PMCID: PMC4570055.